do you want my presence or need my help ?
who knows where that might lead ?
i fall at your feet.

music's been on, strong, since morn. good morning human beans. not that morning, actually. its four fourteen. an hour before i leave for tuition. i had a very very disturbing dream last night. im a little apprehensive about writing it here but knowing me, i always do anyway. so anyway, i dreamt that i was eating my bank account book. dont ask stupid questions like how, or what the hell, okay. i just was eating it. then suddenly bennett pulled his book out of his mouth (no it wasnt slobbery ) & showed me that he has eleven thousand in his deposit section. so i stopped eating & tried to eat his. it got pretty ugly because he wouldnt let me. then i started to cry because i only had twelve cents in my account. then after that my mum came into the picture & she took a bazooka & she shot me repeatedly. loudly, persistently, until i woke up, to actual drilling in my house. a couple of indian workers & chinese nationals were on my balcony & porch drilling, making holes. what a strange dream, & i woke up hungry, still. clearly paper isnt very filling. geeeeesh.

i think, many people have returned to singapore ! PARTNA ARE YOU HOME ? SIAMESE TWIN WHAT ABOUT YOU. & EVAMAE I THINK I OWE YOU A BIRTHDAY SONG ! these faraway friends are once again on homeland. i want, make that a need. i need, a vacation. to anywhere at all. id even be pathetically ecstatic if it were a neighbouring country, im serious. in jae's words, i quote. 'SENTOSA, I ALSO GO.' now, after all that aspiring its still singapore, its still the cheshire estate of gelenggang. welcome to the suck.

i am going to talk about balls. because i have three brothers who wont stop talking about the world cup & they have infected me. i am going to make an absolutely dumbass statement.

he is so cute, dude !


you wear a pink bib see whether you look anything like this.


self explanatory.


sorry jae.


& for the finale my friends, i am faithful.


omg when you're looking like that ! (: more, more, i want morrie.

yes you cross my mind, in the warm sunshine. lets dance c.h. ! (:

flax seeds, well they tear me open
& supposedly you could crawl right through me
taste these teeth please
& undress me from these sweaters better hurry. 

plane//mraz gets me all highwrung. the same feeling ive been feeling for some time now. maybe because its end may. & things happen end may. people happen. good morning jigglepore ! & fold your blanket for goodness sakes. last night i fell asleep on the wrong end of the bed i think. because thats how i woke, unless UNLESS i slept right, then i spiralled in a dynamoish dream, the thought of which is simply too dangerous to entertain. i am very thankful my house does not have cctvs. BAKCHORMEE hahah. okay okay learn : self entertainment is no entertainment.

CHEEKACHUH POMMPUHDEE BOO. ive been all around the world in a new sensation. well, alot of travelling has been on. tofrotofro going places, no social graces just fallen laces. i need a holiday. anybody who has a magic bus OR carpet i will join you immediately. we can go jodphur & free birds ! orrr, we could just fly. & peel off bits of cloud, making them s'mores by nearing the sun. then we'll drink tequila sunrise & if we're lucky, even milk from the cow over the moon. have i mentioned ?  i really need a holiday. & i dont mean a temporary period of rest. i need a long term excuse.
EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE, this long.
oh dear my ramble shmamble is getting slightly tipsy STOP RIGHT NOW thankyouverymuch.

last night daisy & beans went to THECANDYEMPIRE. sweet. i think we got lost in the place for about an hour. just looking at, sweets. & chocolates. & chips. & alotALOT of other things. it was excitement, ecstacy &THEN EXTREME SADNESS from shoppers limit. or rather, paupers limit. still we got out a bagful sweeter. when it leaves you agrinning for hours after you know its a good thing alright. i want to be its emperor. or is it empress. either one as long as i can take anything i want. anytime i like. i have a secret pest spray in my bag that i will NOT HESITATE to use against anyone at all who irritates me okay i say first. SO DONT MESS. truth is, its edible so you wont die lah please.

then we went to eat at groove nation. & i was so full that i could not laugh properly. so when she said something totally dumbass i wanted to die. like all the food in me was saying DONT LAUGH ! cos you know, you contract your stomach muscles when you do, & it was impossible to ! that was how full i was. luckily the tissue paper fell into the hot bowl. & then OVER THE HEDGE ! which is a damnnnnnn happy show please go & watch it omg hammy is like, c-laaaa-ss--ic. did i mention ? we subconciously walked to the counter to get a large popcorn & a drink EVEN BEFORE buying tickets. omg, she is a dumb blonde. anyway she was all for throwing popcorn in my face to lighten the load. thanks, pop. WE ATE CHEEZELS ORIGINAL. like, THE CHEEZELS. it was very VERY good. you feel so, mmmhappy after that. authentic glee. & dijon mustard & honey chips. & wonka's whipple scrumptious caramel delight. & chocolate over turkish delight bar. & an entire bag of special desiree (its a brand) waffelmischung. time to give our throats some lovin' so what else do we do but traipse down to the green place for chilling, comfort surfing & a ventiful blend of raspberry & mango. starbucks people are nice. speaking of which, lil daisy's a coffeemaster (: do you know how pro that is. THAT IS.

i owe her a massage. but she owes me one now, my left arm is aching from winning her in arm wrestle. whoever squats to arm wrestle. mad girl. so after a roll of mad pictures & singing. its come to this. happy rastafari birthday desireechoo (: cause you're lookin' so good in your Starbuck's cup.

you might regret what you let slip away, like the geek in the pink.

we are one, tonight !
& we're singing it out !
we are one, tonight !
& we're dreaming out loud !

okay this song just blasted me up. plus an absolutely ridiculously early call from jessica. IT IS TEN THIRTY I WAS UP SINCE NINE THIRTY. you know blasphemy ? NO YOU DONT. THIS IS, OKAY. maaaan, the horror the horror. anyway i stared at the sunlight for like 3 minutes, or 5. ive been waking up in dimness since forever. & i realised that IVE NOT BEEN MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING REALLY. okay i take that back, lah. i miss it. NOT WAKING UP BUSTER EARLY, just. okay let me try to phrase this right. i miss liking the sting of sun on my skin as i trained, as we trained. i miss liking these things. now even hip hop is indoors, & you perspire not of the outdoor scorch, but of exhaustion. its different, i guess. ANYWAY the sun is mellowing as i type, so clearly its time for a change in toothpick.

as most readers would have known by now, my mum is a very unique character. she smses me even when im home. & one night when i came back late, & showered, & was snug in bed already, i received an sms : ' where are you ' i didnt know how to reply, really. i thought of shocking ways, like replying ' in the police station ' & hiding behind the wall watching her wake the whole household up, or ' BOO ' then surprising her in the middle of the night in her face. both would probably have had me jailed at home so i did a trick by stealth. i walked out of my room, went to the toilet, & washed my hands & coughed two times. then i walked past her room & hummed a tune & went back to my room. now i think sending ' on my way back ' could have been easier. mutthhers. anyway today morning was no different. ( theres a morning msg everyday ) it read ' time can be dreamed away. is sleep your master ?' DONT LAUGH ITS WISE WORDS OKAY. but hmmm, the way she says things really intrigues me. the last time i told her a white lie she said 'DONT TRY YOUR CUNNING ON ME, I AM THE MASTER OF CUNNING.' we all know her favourite word no, yes. so it comes as no surprise that when i msged her a sweet mums day msg i got this back ' YOU & YOUR NONSENSE. ' you cant say i havent tried, man.

conversation between 18 & 12 year old.

him : do you like anybody ?
me : no.
him : does anybody liiiike youuuu ?
me : nahhh, im a loner, you know. LONELY PERSON.
him : seeeeriously ?
-inspects my FACE.
him : buuuuut you never know whos gonna liiike youu, you know.

lets slow the evening down, slow it down, please slow it down.

the rain can be such a, wet blanket. no worse time to pour than ten minutes before a tuition session when you're no where near her house. pissing pissashaet. i really dont like using umbrellas in the rain, i dont mind like, i dont know, dancing in the sun with them, keeping them unused in my bag, dry. but not on rainy stressful days flurried by a rush hour. seriously i have no idea why cloud nine is a term of positivity, i dont like those things, silence me now.

today i finally realised why so many people like watching korean shows. THEY ARE DAMN SAD, DRAMATICALLLY. OMG PLEASE GO & WATCH YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, IT IS TRAGIC TIMES ONE HUNDRED. you feel this, this, surge of infinite pity & sorrow flopping around inside & you just want to die. but BUT. you dont want to die yet cos COS you want to soak in cathartic release. okay i sound totally moronic but its true ! sometimes you feel so sad that your sad chamber pours out everything there is so you come out of it feeling heartened, & awashed with confidence again. ive had it before. you turn on your grossest playlist & think of how pathetic your life is. like, how you are the epitome of murphys law & how you have nobody in your life who cares enough to send you a hamper of vcds & fruits when youre leaking with flu in bed. how nothing is right, & how youve nothing left. how you will indefinitely wake up the next day looking like elephant turd & put rudolph to shame. that is like, pre emptive nightmare. cos after so much depressive shit it cant get any worse so you can just sleep in peace thereafter. i am not drunk or whatsoever okay i am just being talkative nightly. & i really like keira knightley.

updating has always been at the back of my mind, but see thats just the problem. its at the back so everytime i log on my comp i just address whats at the forefront. am i making sense. well, yes, i hope. i want to drink java chip prepared by someone who is currently equally grumpish as i am. i lost her french books & the guy hasnt called to say theyve found it. call, damn it, call. as im typing, a group of adult people are making alot of noise outside. they are discussing how crispy their prata is going to be, & what flavour they are going to try. i feel like throwing qtips at them. set the ends with mini balls of fire & they are infernal spears ready to go. no need to discuss how crispy lor, you'll know later really. ridiculous. now i hear laughter, probably imagining how funny the prataman's accent will be. it is too late for jokes they should keep quiet. or i will throw cards at them. joker cards. i am better than gambit, or copperfield. have you heard, i can make a toothpick vanish. LIKE SERIOUSLY VANISH.

that night i was out with yash & we froze to life in our secret icebox. no one else knows where it is cos we keep it secret. we watched dangerous acrobat performances under the purple velvet sky & ogled at pretty boys & handsome girls. we surveyed the night streets of someplace very, very, foreign. & we spooked ourselves out with agoraphobic thoughts. she is a total epitome of halal fun. getting high just without the alcohol (: HIGH.

we'll both forget the breeze, most of the time.
because of this i have been having bad dreams, not nightmares, just bad dreams. of, things. i dont want to remember anything anymore. i want to be unoriginal & pretend im dandy gay. so you have to promise one more thing. you'll have to promise not to keep your word. cos only then, will i be convinced that in the first place, it was always unintended. & we were both looking for separate playgrounds to swing around in, someplace finally too dark, cos it was too late. it always was.
& so it is, just like you said, it would be.

there are days that make you feel young & blissful. there are nights that make you smile cheshire in the still of the pitch. i need both cases to hit me soon. today was unjustified. do you know how bad that sounds ? i didnt even celebrate ben & jerry's day. thats, depressing already.

save tonight.

can you smell it ?
this, wretched maladorous whiff about me.
its called death.
& i hang by, for two nights now. i hang & i bleed from the thorns im holding onto.
& its time, they all say, to move, to travel, to vacate.
can you get it ?
this, selfish, indignant fierceness pushing me.
its called life.
& this time round, im taking it in my own hands, colouring, while i do, the bed red.

i write that, chewing on a fat sultana & feeling almost mentally challenged. because i tried to read the papers & it convinced me i am simply not inclined to read anything else unless its written by me. yes i am in a filthy mood, the kind that will not be sorry even if i spilled coffee down your shirt.

speaking of that, i am smiling already.
yesterday i was out with my old girlfriend. while waiting for me at beans she spilled hot chocolate all over herself, & ended up looking & smelling like chocolate. not that i minded, i always welcome chocolate. so there i was, a grump, she a frump, & two rumps lunching over pasta, soup, bread & cheese mousse. later we went to catch the wild. a very impulsive decision really, but because it was tuesday, & on tuesdays you remember two people who gave us magic like dublin mudslide & chunky monkey, we went into the theatre armed with a large barrel of popcorn, & two mini pints of b&js. the show was, retarded. we still laughed because on the charts of humour, there comes a point when unfunny becomes really really funny. that was it. like, the pink panther, when overdone unfunniness became really really hilarious stuff for stitches, yes thats it.

the frump developed a solid craving for strawberries so we went to look for berries only to find them extremely unattractive. in the end, we bought apples. the reddest & fattest we could find. & crunching is therapeutic, for awhile. till, it was time for tuition. no one likes giving, no one likes taking. it is basically a sad picture altogether plus the extreme inaccessibility of it all is such a turn off. thankfully the frump lives near my kid, so it was all pretty alright, the long & winding road.

after work was done, the rumps met again, this time by the poolside, munching on oreos & pocky & sucking on childhood popsicles. (: talk talk, talk. of, funerals, weddings, & pigs. the last i remember was jumping over the wall & landing quite comfortably in the front seat of a yellow top. thats a heck of an end, or rather, a start to a day. it was one.

& this one is certainly an interesting story,
it starts with an ending,
& we're both characters in a play,
on the same stage, but on a different page.

escapist//brandston

I REALLY REALLY LIKE THE VISA ADVERTISEMENT. richard gere is one thing. the birds flying free is another. everytime i watch a movie i grin like an idiot everytime it starts.

in india, when you free the birds, you give good luck. more birds, more luck.

my brother is going on a journey tomorrow, i want to bring him good luck. five birds.

this is only enough for one bird.

okay.

wah its like a favourite. (: next time when im rich i'll get the visa. & free birds in the city of jodphur. everyday my to-do list gets longer. stress ah stress.

i went to the toy shop that day. with mr bennett. we wanted a puppet. but the thing costs like FORTY DOLLARS. hello I GIVE IT LIFE why does it cost so much. everything depends on me & my fingers ! so we didnt get the puppet. but i want a puppet. that i can talk to at night. when the world is sleeping. it shall act like my conscience & i will trust it wholly. it will nod when i ask for chocolates, & shake its head when the mum asks me to do chores. that day we went to watch ice age two, ben & me. & it was such a moment of classic ggness that till this moment while im typing it still tickles me. to say it simply, he toppled our popcorn while eating them during the advertisements & got me to buy us another large. so i spent fourteen dollars on popcorn alone that day. after the movie he asked for permission to play at the arcade ( in other words, he dragged me to the arcade & demanded me to fish out my wallet pleeeease ) i gave him a wad of two dollar notes to exchange for coins so he could slot them into some kuku machine & get cards in exchange. its some card swiping booth that EATS MONEY. but he was REALLY HAPPY he got a POWERCARD. ( dont ask ) & also REALLY DISAPPOINTED he didnt get a TREX for his BASICCARD. ( dont ask ) im glad dinosaurs are extinct. if they weren't, bennett'd want one for a pet. some danger involved there, i should think.

HAPPINESS IS FINDING THE BEST IN A FRIEND, BEFRIENDING THE BEST; DIANANGIAM. we went eating walking sitting eating eating sitting walking on thursday @ marina square. damn fun shes a moron to begin with, & to end with. sukied & we lubbed all the desserts hahah. two hours time span lah, stress ah stress. after that we went cartel for like, more dessert omg i just realised we are absolute pigs HER BAD.

me : you got alot of problems ah, corn, skin, what have you.
her : yah, my ears are sensitive skin like peel & can come out. ( i have no idea what in the world she was trying to convey really. )
me : oh yah then your nose pinch one time then you'll sneeze right.
her : yah yah. really will.

then this is what really got me choking on cartel bread which is almost impossible to choke on, really.

me : ah then do you snore ?
her : nope.
her : oh but i breathe loudly.

..

& i got a tummyache after laughing so much during cheesecake. who says laughter is the best medicine.

at the jays'. went to aunt angeline's place & the dog's damn pretty. her name's maxie, v v pretty, prettier than the species ive being with pretty much all the time. name's josie. okay typing that was as close to playing suicide bomber but hes in camp so im safe for the week. dinnered there & watched rude mr ken lambaste singapore's father. i think the former ought to lay off. i like the white haired old man, alot. so back off ken, can. night before we watched take the lead !!!! omg its v v nice plus antonio banderas is so charming i feel like dying everytime he comes out. means all the time i squirmed & wormed like crazy. v nice i likkkkeee. after that we flew to france & then to the top of the world. yes good friday was a surprise from the start, thank yooo (: tgif is fab four-letter word.

i came back to new inventions out of mum's bakery. so i readily agreed to taste them. chocolate fudge, chocolate pistachio, & oreo cheesecake. at times you wish they meant it when they coined 'like mother, like daughter'. if i can bake i wanna bake a dark chocolate black cherry vanilla macadamia almond ice cream cheesecake. yes really.

& even paris & rome, but i wanna come home. (:

can’t stand the way you burn my eyes so i can’t see.

im in a blind mood. blind because, i dont think im seeing things right, anymore. im not sure, cos i had a v long conversation with g. & as long as the mere screen can make you fight tears you know it aint something to truck over just like that. you know what g ? this calls for wednesday brown ice kachang, post haste. it aint over till the fat lady sings honey (:

been out with girls of late, always an endless surprise being with them. CAMYTAN aka pic ! together we lubbed sundaes after sundae & it was good, just her me, & our boyfriends ben & jerry. & alot of yakking away. ( & a bit of uninvited staring at meal time, hur hur. ) we've got a secret hahah. which i cant reveal lest it betrays HER childishness. that girl is a retard, major case this one. okay i sound incoherent SEE SHE DOES THIS TO PEOPLE.

went out with jeSSICA my secret admirer ( you know you are, please no denying ). we went to sukieeeeeee sushi buffet, & i discovered her v v appalling idiosyncracies. including her alter ego which is believed to be from an ancient part of australia. custom is very weird where she comes from. like, she'd take a bite of honeydew, then drop it. cos ' its tradition '. she is a suspected case of schizophrenia. cos at night she began rambling in indian accent. like, wery wery heawy accent. yes.

i want to watch take the lead i think antonio banderas is an extinct species of man. one of a kind this one. his hotness is supreme SUPREME omg. & you know the best part ? HE'S MINE. omg i could watch the trailer 798415619785089125132 times. and still be bowled over 798415619785089125132 times, serious man.

 

oh darling, save the last dance for ME !

you're just like a pill, instead of making me better, you're making me ill.

ive concluded that manhattans is better than fish & co. but ! they have larger bowls of nicer tartar sauce at fish & co, that makes it a very tough fight cos manhattans has very addictive flaming sauce. SUPER DUPER. as opposed to self-concocted dips at chongqing hotpot. :l they have damn weird colours, & washed out labels so you dont know what in the world they are. so anyway i tried the pink one plus brown one plus black one plus chilli plus garlic. equals SALAH. cmi. he tried brown plus black plus sesame oil plus sesame seeds also equals SALAH. why dont they have, tartar ? strange people. but hotpot was quite, hot. two crazily perspiring people laughing at each other's noobness, unaware that they were each really worse reflections. im kinda glad we had zhong la. they let you choose if you want xiao la, zhong la, da la, or te la. quite fun aye. in the middle of the night, at two. madness, i like.

RENT ! j sneakily booked tickets for the new cathay. it was a pretty night out planned by the moron who april-fooled me into thinking he had guard duty.
his sense of humour is like, non-existant. like how he thinks DONT WORRY THERES NO SUGAR ! is damn funny. the typical kind of dry comedy which has a long lasting triple dot effect upon normal people. its this sort of self-confidence that makes mr bean funny, come to think of it. & its okay, if you wanna party night till day (: so in a post-rent moment of inspiration we prowled deep in the night along streets pretending to be jason mraz (me) & brother a-z (j).

y: ee ee yo ah ah oh ah ah ee yo brother a to z.
j: yo whats up
y: yo what time is it.
j: ITS LAUNDRY DAY !
y: .. you're supposed to say 'haha' THEN we say laundry together. wait for me.
j: oh yah okay okay.
y: again again.

we can rock the night alone (:


i really really reeeeally wanted to catch it cos its the next best thing to the actual musical. RENT is a powerhouse. its a masterpiece please go & catch it. its start is immediately impressive & goosebumps-inducing.

how do you measure, measure a year. <3 !

oh & cathay has humongous popcorn, like BIG, really. i like that place already, & its not just because theres gonna be ben & jerrys there, hoho.

i hate this, everytime.

last night i had korean dinner ! too much western fare of late. i think consecutively nine days or more. ask g, i even dreamt bk came up with a new fries flavour. they were semi spicy, cos i remembered them being vermillion, with coconut shreds all over them, like in place of salt, or sth, & VERY CRISPY. i woke up with a sore jaw i must have been chomping them all night. golly. so yes, fare was asian last night. over dinner sth intriguing came into discourse.

j: is korean stuff v different from japanese ?
y: yah, think the koreans are trying as much to make themselves different, historic reasons maybe.
j: like what.
y: like see, the japs always eat fresh stuff, sashimi, then the koreans purposely make theirs preserved. KIMCHI, see. its almost rebellious.
j: yah then the japs breathe fresh air the koreans breathe stale air.
y: ? tsk dont be ridiculous.

i have a v screwed up voicemail because glendalee made me shriek & yell in hysterics & it got recorded & now people will definitely not get back to me if im temporarily unavailable. tragic. so this is a disclaimer. the screaming was not a usual thing, okay. im normally quiet & SOLEMN. shucks lah i need to hurry change my voicemail GLENDA YOU MORON. YOU OFFEND ALBA (ME) NOW WHO'S GONNA GET ME ANOTHER TIGER.

recently g the girlfriend & me, we went suki fer buffet dinner. i am her yuki & she is my yucky. so we ate sushi conveyor, steamboat, & teppanyaki. dont judge the hungry please thanks. sambal dory v v nice. we cooked fer each other & praised each other's cooking. stupid girl took so many sausages & then left the turgid things swimming in the pot, cos she found out they're not nice. luckily my talent of concealment worked. ALWAYS TAKE EGGS. SHELLS ARE WONDERFUL. anyway after main course hei bai peis were being conveyed. & of all things to be present in the restaurant, there was A HAI BAI PEI THIEF. very very foolish of the person to try to be funny cos g & i we like the black sticks alot so the quest began, to see who can get more bowls of hei bai pei. i went toilet before the game started & then when i came back wah ! g had amassed four bowls, FOUR leh. HAHAH. she is damn greedy. so v happily i started eating the strawberry one. LAOHONG ALREADY damn sad. somemore she took four bowls, gg. i fear wafer sticks now. this is why i am her yuki & she is my yucky.

my mum made dark chocolate almond walnut cookies. they are damn powerful, like, POW-WOW-FULL. fer the first time in very very long i had a homecooked dinner tonight. that, & a call from faraway has made my night exceedingly precious. so often one goes 'goodnight', but how many can truly have one ? i did, goodnight (:

you can have your tiger roll & eat it.

someone special craved carls jr the other day, so we went straight fer a huge chunk of a midday meal. & there was criss cut fries ! & onion rings, & oh, a v fun beverage bar. then cos they have like non/low- carbo burgs fer those people who are on the fatkins diet HAHAH. so the lady beside us was having her patties wrapped in leaves. lettuce i presuppose. then she was with her guy who was happily tucking into his bread version. then after her burger she happily went on to eat FRIES ! which is such a non carbo source, really. there is no climax to this tale hee but BUT oh the part that annoyed me the most was the accent that she was affecting. its the one where you can easily mimic when you pinch your nose & say "like totally". YAH YAH i can almost hear yer attempt. okay anyway on the topic of weird people, i like the song creep. radiohead hoho. im a creeeeeeep, im a weirrdddooooo. so cute, i guess part of genuine insanity is betrayed by its sufferer's denial. so i suppose if you admit that you are odd, it vaporises part of the absurdity. but some eccentric people are cute, even in utmost denial; like, yash (:

that day we went fer chocolate fondue at read street & it was just the two of us, & it felt v special indeed. everytime i use the word 'indeed' i feel like enid blyton because she always ends off with a classic ' AND THEY ALL FELT VERY PLEASED INDEED ! DONT YOU ?' you get the point. but we did feel v pleased ! until the chocolate got lapped away. so in a bid to continue feeling pleased we got a second sundae. after that you come to realise it really isnt about the dessert, or the cool ambience. cos when we were out there under purple lights & stars i still felt it, yupp i did. yash this is fer missing monday with you. -TRIGGER (:

im reading a book called 'dogs never lie about love' & from someone who hardly goes 'so cuteeee !' when i see a pup or a kitten (I DONT LIKE CATS) i must say the book is damn inspiring. & can you believe this. i miss ricky. for those of you who are ignorant, she used to stay with us but stress piled up & we gave her to another family. now i sleep with panther everynight. hes this elastic comfy bummy pup my dad gave me fer valentines this year. he has pink ears & a red heart on his bottom, & he has a body like a daschund. panther is a metrosexual because he cares alot about how he looks. he is also a very very rough sleeper cos every morning when i wake up he is on the floor. tsk.

i just drank milk. suddenly i miss the milk from hokkaido. abuzasabo ! (:

on a totally random note, i think its really heartening, to expect nothing & still be assured, always, however way you spell it.

they say you are what you eat. therefore i am nuts. a whole 300g bagging worth of premium mixed. ten dollars & seventy cents ! i was so appalled by my failure to estimate 100g. nuts are heavier than they look. like check out the walnut, which resembles a human brain. its really heavy, like a brain, just that the brain is heavier than it is reasonably meant to be. moreover we only use one percent. okay this is where the tomatoes & eggs start plopping in & we all know its time to stop talking about nuts. okay but first i just want to say that i like pistachio nuts but i really dont like the turkish pistachio ice cream. but i dont mind buying just to get tricked by the turkish man, no im not deprived, i just think, its, interesting.

watching wolf creek with yash & g was damnnnnn scary my gosh. half the time, or rather three quarts of it i was smelling my knees, which i lifted to cover my face whenever the killer started carving or disemboweling his victims. it was so nerve wrecking simply listening to the squelch of the stabbing, or the pitch of the cry. so i was there, stuffing myself with nuts and chips and pretending to miss the scenes because i was talking to the two of them but actually feeling really really, chicken. it was so bad there was so much blood all around & she wouldnt stop bleeding. if i have a scab & it tears into scarlet i will have to plaster it immediately. if i were her i would have looked like a mummy if i could help it, already.

couple of days back i was out with camy, sakaeing. & i accidentally ate squid my gosh. cos the round things look like onion rings so i popped a bite. then onions arent chewy so when i realised my onion rings were chewy maybe they arent really onions. theres sth bout jap food. it makes you happy. & that is why the ugly green toad still attracts people like flies everyday. by the way this girl actually knows french, she thinks she does lah. she was trying to sing me a song.

today marked a milestone in my adolescence, gastronomically speaking.
I ATE SWISSROLLS. i never ate them before; never really knew their appeal or hankered after anything rolled like a spiral, unless of course its chocolate we;re talking about. anything brown & cocoaish catches me, i think you know. anyway, after class in the staffroom, a fellow ex relief brings in a coupla long boxes, & im wondering who eats those stuff, amid the rest already partaking of it. then pan lao shi keeps asking me to chi dan gao so i decided to take one.

HOW DO THEY MAKE THOSE THINGS. ITS FABULOUS. okay if id known this yesterday i would be eating it fer breakfast today. if id known this last week id have eaten it start of this week. so then i took many many rolls ! until becca lost count of how many & what filling i took. i feel caked now. anyway to conclude i like swissrolls. i mean, i like teaching. sides the fact that i can have toast ! blue bowl ! orange bowl ! ikan bilis ! fifty cent scoop ice cream ! uncle mobeen ! fish slice thick noodles ! it really is a journey back in time. im glad im there, for however short it might be, im glad. oh for the record yesterday i had noodles, ice cream & four toasts as a result of nostalgia. i suspect the auntie thinks im pregnant.

jogged yesterday & then i scampered off to meet the best friend fer some irrepressible release. then talk talk talk, then we decided on ice horlicks & egg cheese toast next week breakfast ! (: yayy, happiness is in the eye of the beztar, fabb fab.

hip hop later tonight ! lets get it started in here. 

YASH; ITS A DATE, BREAKFAST.
GLEN; YESSIREE, HOTPOT.
IM TALKING BOUT MY GIRLS, MY GIRLS, MY GIRLS.

here in a world of lies, you are the truth.

OMG. HASTA LA VISTA PRONTO CHEEKY MAMA. GUYS GUESS WHOS BACK.
ive been cut off from people fer damn damn long & now ive returned, a whole jaw itchier. i need to meet the people i was used to meeting so frequently. i need to hear their voices, your voices your laughter your barks. previously fer a month to be exact i faded away, grousing in a garden where no fruits could be borne. i wrestled with animals everyday, pigs, geese, fishes. all around me was a scrummage of noise & mess, & everyday i thought to myself, what a wonderful world.

& so the new year was ushered in without my gracing. throughout new year i worked. i fed hungry men & women who brought their hungry boys & girls to feed. i gritted my teeth in the kitchen fer a polished smile out in the dining hall, i put up with the coarseness of course with the naivety of youth, & slowly i found myself in the company of big-hearted cooks, older men who have seen half the world, older people who could sense my frustration & took pains to assuage it. i took refuge in the kitchen & only went out when the beepers came in. beepers are called beepers cos their names must be censored fer readers younger than myself. beepers are older ladies who push their weight around geese & pigs, they curse as they speak, & speak as they swear. beepers snap at us when we're talking, then they scowl as they turn behind the pillar to smoke, to smoke twenty sticks a day. sometimes, most times, i get caught in the same lift with beepers, & its four stories to the locker common area. as a matter of fact, over time i have learnt to hold my breath fer four stories, passive smoking can kill, you know. beepers are selfish, therefore.

one night i got wrenched into a staring match with a beeper. usually i bow down & retreat into chores subordinately. that night it just didnt feel right. i stared back & i spoke back. i didnt care that hungry men were watching mouth agape, rice half chewed. i stood up unlike myself & the beeper gave a severe look of condesecension followed by a barrage of dialect. i was disgusted both by her & myself fer entertaining her & the hungry guests. i walked away, to the kitchen. that night after work i wrote my resignation letter. i decided i didnt want to feel lousy anymore. many reasons have been shouting at me to tender, in fact. i guess it was inertia. now they're asking me to go back, & again, thankfully, inertia forbids.

so ive learnt. im braver now & yet, more afraid. i feel exposed to roughed ends & im reluctant to meet them again. i know i never liked waiting, though. not everything deserves patience.

big eyes, big hair, & an irrefutable certaint y about it.