ITS NOT 16 K.
ITS A DAMN HALF STANDARD CHARTERED ON WATER.
YES ITS A BLOODY 21 K.
coaches have a way of killing people. ive become so numb. and no thats not a linkin park tune out or whatsoever. im really deadened this evening, okay midnight. so tired. and im burnt, sun takes delight in making very brown surfaces seem black. very exciting. maybe i should steal my mum's skII mask. okay okay that was so bad bad. okay no i wont, fret not. crooned today after training with karl the cow. with girlfriend and mich there to listen and be audience hahah. hey it really isnt easy being a singer. i need more guts, shucks im a sucker. the session was actually damn fun and nice, but that was cos it was just him and us and the guitar. us and the mount sinai in darkness. no thronging crowd, no sound blarers, no heeren corner, no donation boxes, nothing else, nothing else to mar.
tis tougher than it seems, surprise.
g.a. mckevett is a lovely lady. i shall sleep with her tonight.
and if we have it going well i'll consider getting death by chocolate.
but first, let me get this line right.

love remained, the drug thats the high and not the pill.

thanks david, who tried to hum and grum the tune to me. gosh ive got silly friends. ive finally got it ! i shall show off to you come wednesday.

CHUA YA-YENG. you betta tell me. this is an order. (:

i think im sleep typing. crash & burn.
okay off to settle infernal affairs with mckavett my girl.

my. back. aches.
my shoulders and arms are strained.
ouch ouch. damn the weights.
canoe marathon is up. sixteen bloody k.
to row till my joint web bleeds. seethe.
wanna push sub sixty. if it already kills, no point holding back innit.
have been having diarrhoea fer two consecutive days.
one would think that as self gets stronger, weak stomach would follow suit. but no, it remains weak, poor and intolerant. wth.
am in a funny mood.
after reading message in a bottle i want to watch the movie !
kevin costner as garett blake, hoho thats already a catch. (:
now, to prepare, too, fer my buska festa.
watch me rock like george crooney. (:

[u] [i]just you wait[/i][/u]

ebbing ebbing tides collide
unrest prevails off land
the wind carreses as one reminisces
deliberation provoked by sand
the sun, indecisive and inconsistent
in stirring from orb fine rays
heat creeps and seeps, the wakeboarder keeps
at riding the balance on base.
rustling begins in the palms nearby
that don thin sharp blades as leaves
waves echo and lap against the bank
which stands stoic before these thieves.
canoeists will return in time to come
smashing rudders unto shore
in green black and white they display their fight
and the hunger for much, much, more.

raffles, row. raffles, row. [b]raffles, row.[/b]

in the end i did not end up before the set watching peterpan. nor did i have vermicelli with fish cakes. 'rents rang up bennett and me and we met them fer lunch outside. saltier vermicelli with saltier fish cakes. am reading bridget jones, glen's book. was over at hers last night, dinnered, played with digicam and well, talked. twas quite very sweet of her mum to offer cherry tomatoes and pineapple and pears and bean sprouts, (not necessarily taken in that order, of course.) knowing that im a greens eater. and then after we took very nice pictures which she shall launch, or upload, or plug on onto her pc so we can both share the moments. my gosh i sound like a kodak advertiser. were supposed to be watching theres something bout mary but then we sorta digressed into chatting and all. silly twit.
+ girlfriend, must watch soon ah, or else elmogoh will have her films demanded back very very soon. (:
but did you know,
that when it snows,
my eyes become large and,
the light that you shine can be seen.
+ my best friend, yes you,
my sadness grew from an emptiness, a sense of incomplete being, because you werent here with me. im sorry, if it got you hurt, okay. if i tell you that i have always and am still loving you will it be allright then ? the letters, they remain delivered with utmost sincerity. tell me you're fine, better, allright. anything, im here. yours.

dad bought me the rod stewart album, had it placed in the car so we all could enjoy his husky vocals. and when i heard this song my heart ached, for some strange reason. its just a really sweet song, and will you just imagine, if someone sang it to you ? oh dang my heart begins to ache again. behold.

have I told you lately that I love you
have I told you there's no one else above you
you fill my heart with gladness
take away all my sadness
ease my troubles, that's what you do.

it doesnt look that impressive on paper, uh, monitor, but it sure sounds majorly heart-melting. harharh, me and my dying moments.

bennett squashed my knuckles when we held hands. we were playing mercy. its like when you hold hands with someone, you use yer thumb to rub the other person's knuckles, hard, till it becomes red and the other party cries fer mercy. what can i say, that boy has strong thumbs.
merci. (:
 

let it be known that im not being unfaithful to jackman, green, brody or cusack. but ive found a delightful treasure. taufik. (: i could have died watching him sing aint no sunshine. ahh silly me. oh oh had my hands on barbecuing last night. my goodness the chicken wing caught fire ! not because im not adept at my task of course, but because clarateo my partner in crime was too uh, maladroit. and i would have clipped tbx to death with my tongs when he said, so claimed marcus, that my chicken wings werent delicious ! which was naturally punishable by tongs-clipping because that was a blatant and outright lie. but few had the actual honour of tasting my bbqed sausages and chicken wings. cos we patiently did the wings and sausages three at a time. smokin'. (:
and wow the bridge under which i always row during trainings lights up at night ! very very pretty. kallang is a whole different view at night. serious.

okay off i go to paragon.
but first, comic relief.

bennett and i, we rock. 
me, just trying to annoy him, have no idea why i even started it. : bennett you have an indian girlfriend right.
him: NOOOOOOOO. (a little indignant, a little embarrassed)
me: yes lor, remember, nasuha. (I PROMISE HE TOLD ME ABOUT HER BEFORE, THE NAME IS SO NOT FICTITIOUS)
him: nooooooooo lor. (tries to hit me)
me: please lahh i saw her holding your hand that time, the quite plump one, with two plaits that one. dont bluff.
him: no lahhhhhh. dont have. never hor. (becomes suddenly defensive) YOU ALSO GOT BOYFRIEND.
me: of course lahh, my boyfriend is nasuha's brother, nasuhim.
him: NO SHE DONT HAVE BROTHER.
me: ohhhhhhhhh, HOW YOU KNOW.
then he tries to chase me because of my idiocy hahah. so now i owe him candy and stickers of the incredibles. cannot joke one know. tsk.
perfect.

sometimes i think you forget that you got me.
its okay, not every pair makes it through.
it just hurts, you know, to see how you can overwrite all of those
times. and do replacements just like
that. its just tough trying to wring some moments off you.
dont ask what's happened.
cos, its nothing, exactly.
id thought better of this.
i thought better of you, us.
dont wanna try no more.
but, i still care, and am still here,
like,
the rest of them,
right.

guess whos back.
back again.
yogs is back.
tell a friend.

hoy hoy and lo ahoy. the pseudo malaysian is come.
landed in the heart of the singapore at five because the coach was held up by stale, serpentine traffic. the aircon was totally mad at minus something degrees and i felt like a fridge. :/
now, am sick with a nose which refuses to stay and a forehead donning incalescence which blatantly mocks the cold of yesterday.
so, no training. -goes into a fit.
kl was, hot.
i suspect theres a limit to which the skin can ebonize, like mine. guess thats to be thankful fer.
oh oh stayed at the ascott, which is NOT a hotel, but a SERVICE APARTMENT. thats like ten times better than a hotel. its damn damn pretty i wanna stay there. its damn big and fiercely luxurious. (:
food there is pretty darn spicy and good stuff. plus plus, i got treated like a local. like, totally. at like stalls and shops i got bombarded with paragraphs and paragraphs of melayu to which i could only, out of courteous consideration, nod and smile. mamma mia.
sunway lagooned and it was quite nice. water water rides rides sun sun. AND THEN i saw this guy that looks like batman ! whats his name. val kilmer. yes. 'cept this one was decorously topless. he was tanner too.
and he was queuing in front of me oh good lord. his bod is so hot that, coupled with the malaysian heat i would have died then and there if it werent for the occasional spurts of cool water that the colorado splash had shot on me. rides were pretty cool lahh but the weather was terrible. PANAS.
after that it was shopping shopping and surprise, shopping.
bought quite a lot of stuff and am quite satisfied. (: (:
four days in mad weather for a gastronomic tour is quite enough, thank you.
ah, am back in the rafflesia with my nose MY NOSE ! its killing me.
somebody, call me and tell me if you know where my nose is.
gosh i feel like michael jackson.
allright now lose it. 

there is such a thing as double death. kayaked and crossed today. am radiating heat, naturally. goodness, numbness is good. in a relative sense.
what doesnt kill you makes- yadayada you know the rest. think the sun hasnt been going easy on my skin. im like, MAROON5. okay that was totally irrelevant. im bronzish black. OOH I LIKE BRONZISH, so, oddly looking but if you pronounce it it sounds oh so chic and classy. yes, and my face is like a damn lobster. hopefully when i awake tmr it'll be absorbed away by uh, diffusion. 

today i realised the immense gratification from removing things from my life. i cleared half my room and smashed 'em all in a red box and flung it down the chute. the hindmost pronounced thud was, sapid. i got rid of things i had kept for the most trifling and weak excuses. i removed an entire stash of my own writings, and others'. yes, i am brave, no ? i feel, lifted, and less, sportive. whatever had me into the clearing mood has hit me for the better.

yesterday i realised the beauty of sleep. of rest, as mr quek had so patiently spoken with me about. its all bout peaking, you get what im saying ? yes, sir, thanks. i slept and woke to eat, pig yes but thats so not the point lahh huh. then slept with three doors down. bliss, bliss. sleep is so good, is so good fer me. okay hokay 'nuff.

am leaving fer kl on thursday. back sunday night. hokay if i manage to sniff out THE fac.outlet then i'll return with a whole slew of ab&fitch tops and nike sportbras and adidas jackets and sneakers sporting hues of redblackgreyandwhite. and many many other things. im so greedy i cant stand it mwahahahah. jillions, you hear, JILLIONS ! okay okay relax.

chang, i miss you loadsa DO YOU KNOW THAT. when you come back you gotta GOTTA ring me up so i'll be so glad that i'll fly down to wherever you are to meet you and have a cuppa, or many cuppas, and talk, like the siamese do, and laugh like the low-voiced ones, raucous and free. (:

i miss when black was black and white was white.
what in the world is metallic black and matt and pastel.
project stop harming our planet.

double trained yesterday. first at macritchie, fer cross, then at kallang, fer canoeing. fatigue is the worst adversary ever. but mortal combat, mortal combat. that night i dreamt i flew in the sleek craft. that night i dreamt i was stable as a horse's domain. that night, i ached till my bones cried for a better hell. im killing myself and i have no clue.
body is rebelling. my thighs are strained where rowing has never offended. my face my skin my legs, charred. wth, this is intensive.
i guess, fer many, tis a shared dream & not a shared goal. ive said enough, & my part is but minimal. girls just dont let the c word eventually encumber you. sometimes passion becomes a goddamn vulgarity and taboo. but no one's saying and knowing if they'll place themselves in such a dunghole ever. so now that we're in it, and in this together, just, strive. i mean it, seriously.
i watched sex with clara, as in, in the city. very funny, like laugh-out-loud funny. shall go over again to complete the season. that stupid girl is such a klutz and an auntie. but. i love her all the same lahh. dumbass.
of course, i hafta make this loud and direct.
HAPPY DELICIOUS BIRTHDAY GIRLFRIEND. MUCH LOVE.
she's my beauty queen of seventeen. ooh (: okay am msging you halfway bout stones hang on darling. 'll seeya later.

+ hatred is a strong word, and it hardly gets its place outta mine. but. sometimes, its inevitable because the object of directed hatred more than deserves it. more than, i say. and guess what, its unaccompanied by others. tis, pure, simple, hate. i hate to love you. so bloody much.